Thursday Nights with Dr. Oz

I started watching Dr. Oz when he came out with his own show because I was a faithful Oprah viewer back when she had the talk show.  Dr. Oz encourages weight loss, so I started my 500^th attempt at permanent weight loss. 

The problem with following Dr. Oz’s diet advice is he has every diet book author in the world on his show dispensing new and different advice at least a couple times a week.  So you start one diet and, boom, time for a new one.

And all the diet advice is not sound.  It doesn’t all work.  It can even be harmful.  Dr. Oz said take cayenne pepper supplements, so I did.  A month or so later my face started swelling up, all the time, and it hurt.  I was allergic to salicylates and didn’t know it.  The cayenne pepper supplements were giving me salicylate overload.

But Dr. Oz is personable and caring, so let’s forget about the cayenne pepper, anyone can make a mistake.  He gives some advice you can’t argue with like take care of yourself first.  Saturated fat is bad.  Fiber is good.  Get massages.  Massages are nice.  I started getting massages and because of Dr. Oz I bought a pedometer. 

Then one day Dr. Oz said let’s step it up a notch.  Let’s increase the speed of our weight loss by taking that pedometer and instead of just 10,000 steps, 500 are going to be on a stepper that made sense. 

But then, the following week, he says, let’s take it up another notch.   One night a week, let’s skip dinner and stop eating after 2:00 PM.  He said you don’t want to feel deprived so the night you skip dinner go shopping or have sex.  Dr. Oz is always prescribing sex. 

So I started thinking about it.  My weigh-in day is Friday.  Skipping dinner on Thursday would definitely help the weigh-in.  But just the thought of skipping dinner was starting to piss me off.   It reminded me of being on Weight Watchers.  I lost 50 pounds, but then stopped losing, for months.  My leader went through my food journals and suggested I eat less.  I wanted to kill her, “Eat less?  I’m starving.”  Dr. Oz’s advice struck me as similar. 

Shopping?  What can you buy that can hold your attention so avidly you forgot you did not eat dinner?  Also, shopping can be bottomless. 

Sex?  I’m single.  I am downright solitary, and have no present intention to change.  But I started thinking I would take Dr. Oz’s advice if he would come over on Thursday nights.  He’d need to stay the night because otherwise, if Dr. Oz and I parted ways that evening, I would remember I hadn’t eaten dinner, and I would want to do that.  But Dr. Oz said sex is supposed to be part of an intimate, monogamous relationship, and he is married.  I’m sticking with dinner on Thursdays.