Aware, Mindful and Thankful

Senator Lisa Murkowski backs the repeal of the Obamacare mandate, but did not support the repeal of Obamacare.  For this she has drawn the ire of Democrats.  Murkowski represents Alaska.  I am sure most Alaskans support the repeal of the mandate. Murkowski is representing her constituents.

I’ve never been to Alaska, but I have watched their reality shows and listened to Sarah Palin, which is kinda like seeing Alaska from my living room, dontcha know.  Many Alaskans appear to view themselves as rugged, self-sufficient frontiersmen. 

This past year, one phrase has been thrown around a lot is cognitive dissonance, which is having inconsistent thoughts, beliefs, or attitudes, especially as they relate to behavior.  Despite the self-sufficient attitude, Alaskans wallow in unearned cash.  The federal government supports one third of Alaska’s jobs.  (The Economist).  Alaskans receive an oil subsidy, similar to the manner in which members of the Seminole Tribe of Florida receive a stipend from gambling profits.  Alaska has the highest rate of welfare recipients in the United States (US Census).  That is not surprising.  Alaska’s weather does not allow for year-round work in many industries. 

Let’s take one rugged, Alaskan frontier family, The Alaskan Bush People.  Alaskan Bush Dad and one son were charged with falsification on welfare forms.  They pled guilty and each spent 30 days in jail, so much for self-sufficient bush living.

Alaska does not have a monopoly on cognitive dissonance, they just make a good example due to Murkowski’s support of the mandate repeal.  Florida has its own examples.  We have a large winter population, some of whom are super wealthy.  They supplement our economy the way the government supplements Alaska.   

 Florida also has large numbers of elderly, many of whom came to Florida when they retired.  Some elderly people have no family at all, or at least no local family.   This makes them easy prey for conmen.  But not everyone is a conman.  There are many good people caring for their elderly friends or neighbors. 

Something that strikes me about these elderly in their estate planning is they have a friend or neighbor who buys their groceries, or takes them to the grocery store.  That friend takes them to doctor appointments and helps them maintain their homes.  The friend takes them in, or with them, when a hurricane is coming.  The elderly person will be sharing the holidays with their friend.  But where is the money going when they die?  To nieces or nephews up north, some of whom they have not seen for 25 years.  That does not make sense to me. 

Years ago, I told my daughter a mom of one of the kids she went to school with had cancer, for the second time.  My daughter asked me, “Didn’t you tell me that woman has a great body?”  I said she had a beautiful body.  My daughter said, “I think your body is better.”  May we all be aware, mindful and thankful for all we have and for those who are generous to us daily, this Thanksgiving and every day.

When Your Parents Want Your Child

Once upon a time there was a quiet, kind-hearted, pretty girl named Grace.  Grace grew up to be a veterinary assistant.  She loved dogs, cats and bunnies.  Grace fell in love with a handsome charmer named Inadequate.  Grace got pregnant.  She was so happy, so excited to have a baby.  Before the baby was born Inadequate beat the crap out of Grace.  He went to jail for a long time, exit Inadequate. 

Grace moved in with her parents.  Jason was born.  Grace’s parents loved Jason.  Years passed, Grace fell in love with Eric, a kind and gentle man.  Eric got a job offer in California.  Eric asked Grace to marry him and move to California.  Grace said yes.  Grace’s parents were not pleased.  They loved living with their grandson and watching him grow.  They did not want him in California.  Grace’s parents tried to convince Grace moving to California was crazy.  When that did not work they asked her to leave Jason with them, until she was settled in a home.  Grace loved her parents and agreed, and off she went with Eric.

Within weeks Grace’s parents told her Jason needed dental surgery, nothing serious, but she needed to sign papers giving them custody of Jason for surgery.  Grace readily agreed.  Grace loved and trusted her parents, look at all they did for her.   

A couple months later Grace told her parents she was coming for Jason.  Her parents asked could she please wait until Christmas?  It was only six weeks away.  They could celebrate as a family and then she could leave with Jason.  Grace said okay. 

As Grace and Eric prepared to leave California Grace’s parents told her not to come.  They were not going to let her take Jason.  Jason needed to stay with them through the school year.  Grace was very, very angry, but she complied.  The school year ended and Grace’s parents would not allow her to get her child.  As a matter of fact, they had a court order giving them custody. 

Grace hired an attorney who asked for Jason.  Grace’s parents responded Grace was a terrible mother, who abandoned Jason.  As a result, Jason suffered numerous, serious, psychological disorders. 

Grace sued her parents.  It took a year for that case to get through the court system culminating in a one-day trial.  Grace parents paid for psychologists and a psychiatrist to testify how damaged Jason was by his mother’s abandonment.  This included numerous dangerous specific instances of acting out in anger.  Jason was on psychotropic drugs. 

Grace won.  Her lawyer told her, “Get your son.  Get out of Florida and do not come back.” 

Since that trial the presumption under Florida law changed.  At the time it was parental reunification, now it’s best interests of the child.  I doubt the lawyer would win the case if it was tried today with the testimony of the mother conflicting with the testimony of her parents and doctors.

Jason lives happily in California with Grace and Eric, who have other children and live as happily ever after as any happy two wage-earning family does.

The best way to solve a legal problem is to prevent it before it happens.  Some of the best things about being a lawyer are the relationships you develop with people, making a positive difference in your client’s life and learning from deep personal knowledge of other people’s problems. 

Wilbur Ross

I used to watch a fair amount of Fox news.  I had a lot of clients who watched.  I wanted to see their viewpoint.  My favorite commentator was Wilbur Ross.  I was impressed by his intelligence.  I had no problem with his appointment to Trump’s cabinet.  I thought it was desirable.

I was wrong.  Turns out Ross failed to disclose he has a business with Putin’s son-in-law.  Ross testified he divested himself of $2 billion dollars in business interests prior to his confirmation hearing.  Now Ross owns up to his lie with a response that sounds like a contemptuous “Who cares?”  Forbes reports Ross did not divest $2 billion dollars.  Forbes says Ross never had $2 billion dollars.  Forbes reports Ross overstated his net worth as being 2.7 billion when it’s really $700 million.  Ross is a full-blown member of People of the Lie.  The basis of Ross’s entire Fox career, i.e., super net worth because he’s so smart, is a lie. 

When members of congress and governors run for office they have a solid record we see, because their work is public.  Financial records are private.  Trump and his minions hold them tightly.  Manafort, Flynn, Ross and Gates show us why.  Someday all Trump and his cabinet members’ financial records may be disclosed, and biographies will be written explaining the antics of a den of thieves.

The two highest rating’s draws at Fox, back when I watched, are gone.   Megyn Kelly says she’s glad to be gone.  Bill O’Reilly has become a wet, sobbing man, lashing out at God, failing to take responsibility for his actions, which, like Ross, is a complete contradiction of the principles upon which he expounded daily.

This morning I heard a billionaire on the news speak of how badly the current tax plan would hurt individuals.  The anchor shot back, “But you’re a billionaire.  It wouldn’t hurt you.  It would help you.”  The billionaire replied, “But it’s wrong.”  In this Year of the Lie many people appear to no longer be able recognize right from wrong.  They make it relative when emotions exceed intelligence.     

A liar shows he has zero respect for you.   You can choose to see things as they are, or make excuses, as your ego allows.  Adolf Hitler said, “If you tell a big enough lie and tell it frequently enough, it will be believed.”  But it didn’t end well for Hitler, and for millions of others, because of him and those complicit.  Hitler promised Germans a great nation, like the one they had before World War I.  Hitler told Germans (the white “Aryan”, non-mentally disabled Germans) he would make it better because they deserved better.   Being confronted with truth is so disappointing when the lie held such promise.  “Given a choice between a terrible truth and a beautiful lie, choose the truth every time.”   Mira Grant.

When Mom Gets Sick After Having A Baby

I have a lot of FB friends.  In the last month several of them have had babies and, afterwards, either they, or a family member, has written Mom is not doing well since she had the baby.  Whenever I read that I immediately begin private messaging, because I also got very sick after I had my daughter.  If I had it to do over again I would have been much more aggressive seeking treatment.  That’s why I private message, and that’s why I wrote this blog today.

We oftentimes don’t think about the mother after the baby is born.  My daughter was born on Friday afternoon.  I think there were 25 people in my hospital room on Sunday partying.  There’s nothing like a party in your room while you’re lying in a hospital bed after a C-section.

We take mothers for granted in childbirth.  I’m big into genealogy.  If you look at any family tree going back 200 years you see large numbers of women dying in, or after, childbirth. 

I didn’t feel well after I had my daughter.  I was told healing from a C-section takes a while.  By two weeks out I was walking upright, but I felt terrible.  I also had some physical symptoms I was complaining about to my doctor, who was on vacation.  I was actually complaining to his partner.  My complaints were brushed off as “normal”.  I asked a couple of my girlfriends how long it was before they felt well after they had a baby.  You know what I realize now, they didn’t understand my question.  They weren’t sick after they had a baby.  I told one friend how badly I felt and I cried.  She suggested I had post-partum depression.  A lot of people thought I had post-partum depression.  I didn’t have post-partum depression.  I was sick. 

At five weeks post birth the incision on my C-section burst and it was awful, vile and putrid.  I called my doctor, but my doctor had gatekeepers.  I insisted I needed to get in right away.  The gate-keeper told me I had been complaining and complaining and there was nothing wrong with me.  She said I had an appointment in a week.  I told her I could not wait a week.   I should not have called.  I should have shown up.  She gave me an appointment for the next day.

The doctor took one look at me and said, “Oh my God, how did this happen to you?”  He gave me strong antibiotics and told me to come back in two days.  He said if I wasn’t better in two days he would have to admit me to the hospital.  Thanks be to God my body responded to the antibiotics.

I was talking to a friend today whose daughter is suffering from post-partum depression after the birth of her second child and it’s really bad.  I used to work with a lawyer who had a daughter who was also a lawyer.  His lawyer daughter was more successful than her father.  She had post-partum depression after the birth of her first child.  Then she had a second child.  She very much wanted the second child.  After the birth of her second child she went into the woods and shot herself because she was scared she was going to kill her children. 

They want my friend’s daughter not to breast-feed because that can make the post-partum depression worse.  I was unsuccessful at breast-feeding.  In hindsight, I’m sure that was because of the undiagnosed staph infection.  We got to where we were taking my daughter to the pediatrician daily, at his request, because she was losing weight so rapidly, until she was put on formula.  I told my friend that in baby culture breast-feeding is drilled into you.  You suck as a mother if you don’t breast-feed, but what if you can’t?

My friend said her daughter didn’t like being tagged with a mental illness.  I don’t blame her.  Who wants that?  If it’s a mental illness is there an insinuation you can easily fix it, if you just put your mind to it.   I’m not a doctor but I would think it’s a hormonal issue.  After you have a baby your body has weird hormone things going on.  You get cold, hot, dizzy, all kinds of weird stuff.  Lawyers don’t normally take themselves to the woods and shoot themselves so they won’t kill their children.  That action, in and of itself, showed me post-partum is real.  Treat it, even if it means no breast-feeding.  Even if it means you need medication.  It’s not a shameful thing. 

Pay attention to mothers after babies are born.  These are medically treatable illnesses that need not become life or death issues.  

Disasters, Natural and Economic

I evacuated for Hurricane Irma, along with hundreds of thousands of others, all making their way north out of Florida, at the same time.  To say the going was slow is an understatement.  To pass time I listened to songs, audio books and the radio. 

I rejoiced when I hit the Florida-Georgia border, but the traffic in Georgia was still terrible, the roads full of Florida evacuees.  The radio changed in Georgia.  Florida stations were broadcasting the storm, George was all about sports.  I don’t care about sports.  As I was moving at 7 mph on the Atlanta by-pass I found a station I thought was talking about the storm, but it wasn’t. 

A man with a beautiful radio voice was telling a story.  He said people think the Depression was caused by a run on banks, but it wasn’t.  A run on banks is a symptom, never a cause.  Banks can’t run, it’s not something they do.

The narrator explained the weather in the Mississippi valley is, and has always been, prone to disaster.  Until Europeans, this area was largely unpopulated, due to weather. 

In 1926 there was a terrible Hurricane in Florida.  The result was massive property damage, a food shortage, hundreds of deaths, tens of thousands homeless. 

In 1927 the Mississippi River flooded, 145 levees broke.  The property damage was one billion dollars which was one third of the federal budget.  Hundreds of people died.  Hundreds of thousands lost their homes.

In 1928 Florida experienced another Hurricane.  2,500 people died.  Tens of thousands were displaced.

The United States prospered during the 1920s.  One reason was it was supplying Europe with goods, particularly food, since World War I, when Europe suffered incredible damage.  Under the Federal Farm Act of 1916 the US Government guaranteed it would buy all the crops farmers produced.  Farmers got very smart and produced more crops than had ever been produced on the same land.  By 1929 Europe recovered and was feeding itself.  At the same time, US farmers produced more crops than the government could afford to buy.  Without the government buying crops the farmers were destitute.  They could not make their mortgage payments.  Farm workers no longer had jobs.  As with the natural disasters thousands were displaced.  My great-grandparents, and many of their relatives, moved from farms in the south to Detroit in search of work.

On my drive to work I pass massive housing construction in downtown Fort Lauderdale while the price of some existing condos in downtown Fort Lauderdale is going down.  That’s not just me saying it.  I’ve seen the property appraiser’s new assessments.  I have a downtown condo owned by parties in litigation.  I called my favorite realtor to ask its value.  He said there are 50 condos for sale in that building.  How marketable do you think that condo is?  Maybe you can find a tenant.  Thousands of new units are being built that will block existing views.  The cost to live in these condos is always high because they have a lot of amenities, lavish swimming pools, gyms, community rooms, elevators, parking garages, security, sometimes even spas and restaurants.

While in the past two months we have had three hurricanes, the President of the United States spends his days attacking myriad, diverse people and ideas.  Today he came for the Puerto Ricans contradicting what he sent his Vice President to tell them a week ago.  No surprise, it is in keeping with his behavior.  He is also attacking, the First Amendment, which I predict will survive, the Iran Deal, the ACHA and the GOP.  The GOP made a deal with the devil when they got behind him, and now Bannon wants to recreate the GOP in his own imagine. 

You might think a person who favors the other party’s policies would be happy to watch this destruction, I’m not.  Trump, like the run on banks, is not the cause.  He is a symptom.  The majority of his voters chose him because he touched a place in their heart that told them they were not getting the recognition they deserved.  They are better than that.  He will lift them up and make them great again, as great as they think they are, should and want to be.  This does not include his wealthy voters who chose him because they believed he would make their passive income rise.  I know many, many Trump voters receiving all manner of assistance that would not exist but for government, Medicaid, Medicare, the ACHA, social security, social security disability, food stamps, workers compensation, and Section 8 Housing, but for some reason they don’t view this as public assistance, like it’s been around so long it’s their right.  They want their right.  They want to keep it from the unworthy who are currently Mexicans, Muslims and transgenders.

It’s such a heady feeling to live with a man who says you deserve to live better, he’ll get you what you deserve and make you feel great, while he manipulates you to get what he wants, to make himself feel great again. 

For those of us who are not loving deaf, dumb and blindly, the runaway train is gaining momentum.  Protect yourself.  May God bless us, everyone.  

Tribute to a Friend

            I’m not using real names unless I am directed otherwise.

            My first law office was in an executive suite.  Ryan was my next-door office neighbor.  He was not a lawyer.  Ryan and I were both quiet workers.  Ryan’s wife, Tori, was gregarious and fun.  They had three children, two boys close together, and a girl some years later.  I had three step-children.  Oftentimes, in the summer, I would take a day or half day off and Tori and I would take the children somewhere to play, the beach, the pool, the lake or an arcade. 

            Tori told me Ryan didn’t like most of the people in our building, “Except Marian.”  That made me smile.  As my pregnancy advanced Tori asked Ryan, “Is Marian showing much, getting big?”  Ryan told her, “You can’t even tell she is pregnant with the clothes she wears.”  Tori called and told me that, asked if I was okay.  I was fine.  I’m a litigator, being pregnant is a liability in litigation.  There are lots of people I don’t want to know I’m pregnant. 

            Ryan and I both outgrew that building.  Ryan’s business prospered.  I don’t know that I ever saw Ryan and Tori again until Ryan threw a 50^th birthday party for Tori.  I’m 53.  I’ve been to a lot of 50^th birthday parties in the past few years.  This was the most elaborate I have attended, it was like a wedding.  Ryan and I were talking at that party.  He proudly told me with the kids grown Tori was doing sales for their family business.  She excelled at it.  He was so proud of her. 

            Tori decided she had to have a birthday party for Ryan that year, so a few months later she threw a less elaborate, but still very, very fun party for Ryan at their home.  Except Ryan did not attend.  He stayed upstairs.  He had a bad case of the flu. 

            Less than a month later Ryan fell in a store.  The fall was bad enough he was taken to the hospital by ambulance.  Tori got to the hospital.  She followed as Ryan was being wheeled down a hospital hallway.  They passed a room that said “MRI.”  Tori called out, “You know who needs an MRI?  This guy.  Give this guy an MRI.”  Ryan told Tori he did not need an MRI.  He knew what was wrong.  A year earlier he was diagnosed with Lou Gehrig’s Disease.  He kept this to himself.  I don’t blame him.  He gave himself and his family a happy year, where everyone was not staring at him looking for deficits.  When Tori called and told me it was like being punched in the gut and brought tears to my eyes.  I cannot imagine what it did to her.

            Their oldest son already worked for the family business.  Tori told her youngest son to quit his job.  They needed him at the family business.  He did.  Their daughter was going to college up north.  She came home.  Her parents both told her they did not want, nor were they asking, her to give up her college life.  She wanted to be there for her Dad. 

            Ryan passed away, about a year and three months after that fall.  He had a new grandchild in 2017.  He was so sad he would not get to watch his grandchildren grow.  We see through a glass darkly, and ours is not to reason why.  Ryan loved his wife, children and his job.  He was a blessing to his family and they were a blessing to him.  Life doesn’t get better than that.  I hope the next time I see him, he smiles and tells me he was wrong, He has been right there with his family every day.  He is so proud of them.  

Hillmanns 61 Conclusion

THE HILLMANNS OF BROOKLYN

CHAPTER 61

1942-1965

CONCLUSION

1942 Herman with his grandson, John. I have no photos of Rose with John.

John was taken home from the hospital by his father's mother, Martha, who was thrilled to have him.  Martha had raised two sons. Will and John moved back into his parents large, rent-controlled Manhattan apartment at 51st and First, the same apartment he had moved out of only about a year before, when he married Marian.

Will's mother, Martha, took Marian's passing in stride. Martha's mother, Charlotte, pictured with her father, had died as a result of the birth of her tenth child. Biggest difference between Charlotte and Marian, Charlotte knew she was dying. She said good-bye to her daughter, Martha.  Marian's death was sudden and caused by exceptional medical stupidity.

In Martha's world, growing up with out a parent was not exceptional.  Martha's mother, Charlotte's, father, Janne, died while Charlotte's mother, Anna, was pregnant with Charlotte.

After her husband's death Anna moved in with her parents to raise Charlotte. Anna never remarried. I think one of the reasons Anna never remarried was because she wanted to be alive to raise Charlotte, particularly since Janne died.

Following the death her daughter, Charlotte, Anna moved in with Martha's family to help raise the children.  Martha was repeating a pattern we know occurred in the prior two generations of her family.

Martha was over joyed to have a new little boy to raise.

 Grandma Rose, on the other hand, according to her grandson John, never got over the blow of losing her beloved daughter.  She insisted they sell the Port Washington house because she couldn't stand living in the same house with her daughter's room.  She withdrew from friends and family. 

Herman and Rose did not want to go back to Brooklyn.  They didn't want to live in the Bronx because that was where Will and Marian lived.  They went to Flushing, which was as far as you could get from Manhattan and still catch a train into the City because Herman still worked. It was the first time they ever lived in an apartment, as opposed to a house.

The fiercely independent Vikings who raised John sent him to first grade at age 4. At that same time, he began regularly visiting his Hillmann grandparents, first every other Saturday, then every 3rd Saturday. John traveled on two trains, by himself, to visit his grandparents.

John didn't like the weekend obligation because he said Rose was mean, now he thinks its because every time she looked at him, she saw her daughter's death. He said once she told him that he had to be nice to her, because she lost a lot for him.

Herman's daughter died, but his mother, Emma, was still living. Sometime in the 1940s she moved to Vermont to live with the granddaughters she raised (Herman's sister's children). Emma died in 1952. John never met her. He never knew she was alive during his lifetime.  

In case you missed Hillmanns#1 I wanted to remind of what Emma looked like as a young woman in the 1880s.

In 1952, when the great-grandmother he never knew died, John, age 10, had his first job. He delivered cooked chicken. He lived in an enormous rent-controlled apartment in a great location, he delivered chickens to Marilyn Monroe, Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward.

Herman tried to make Rose happy by taking her on trips, as they had always done.

It looks like they went to San Francisco. Maybe it's because Marian had told them how much she had liked it there when she went in 1937 (Hillmanns #54). Rose died in 1954.

I want to remind you of what Herman and Rose looked like the first time we saw them together, in about 1907.

John said he met Siegele relatives at Rose's funeral. This was the only time he ever met Siegeles. John believes Rose and Herman effectively alienated Hillmanns and Siegeles from their lives after Marian's death because relatives reminded them of their loss.

In 1956 John's father, Will, Marian's husband, died.

After Will's death, Herman decided he had to step it up a notch, so the Summer of 1956 he took John on vacation to Bermuda, to exactly the same place he took Marian and Rose. In 1957 Herman took John on a trip all over the western United States.

In 1958 Herman wanted to take John to Europe, to retrace Herman's own 1900 Grand Tour, but John didn't want to go. He wanted to go camping with his friend, Ralphie, instead. John calls this one of the poor decisions he made in his life. John did not grow up in the land of We-all-love-each-other-Oh-yes! in which his mother dwelled.

John moved to South Florida following in the path of his friend, Ralphie, and Ralphie's family.

In 1959, within months of John's going to Florida, Martha, Will's mother, the grandmother who raised John, died.  John told her he would be home for Christmas.  John had no idea Martha was sick, but Martha's friend told John that Martha had been sick for a long time and was holding on for him.  When John was born he had four grandparents and every one of the was 60 or older.

John met a beautiful girl, named Pam. Pam and John wanted to get married. Herman was opposed to the marriage, because he thought John was too young. At that time the legal age to get married without consent was 21.

John's guardian was his Uncle, Will's brother, because when Will died the three remaining grandparents decided the Uncle should be his guardian because it was more likely that one of the grandparents would die.  (They were correct.  The two Lindquist grandparents died beffore John was 21.)  John's Uncle gave consent for the marriage. 

In 1962 John and Pam married. Pam's parents didn't like it either. Pam was surprised Herman wasn't pleased with the marriage, like Marian Hillmann, Pam was a beloved only child and was not used to not being liked. John took Pam to New York after they married to meet his family.

Herman came to Florida to visit John. He told John that some of Rose's people (a brother and sister) lived in Delray, just up the road from Ft Lauderdale. John told Herman he didn't know those people, but if Herman wanted to see them, they could go. Herman declined. 

Sometime in the early 1960s Herman celebrated 60 years with his employer, the H.B. Smith Co. I can only imagine this company, along with his co-workers, were the community that filled Herman's life after losing his daughter and wife.

In January of 1964 Pam and John had a baby. Pam wanted to name the baby, Marian, to please Herman. John consented. This is Herman in the Summer of 1964 on the day of Marian's baptism in Belleville, Ontario, near the 1,000 Islands, which is where Pam's mother was born.

Herman died in April 1965. An autopsy was performed and the doctor reported Herman had so much wrong with him, any number of things could have killed him. John used the money he inherited to buy a house for his growing family. He also inherited a bunch of pictures, which he kept, and gave to me Memorial Day Weekend 2011. I am thankful to have spent so much time learning about the grandmother I never knew, and sharing it with you.